from the tip of your spine to the peak

~palisades_





if you dont comment, or at least add me, you can fuck yourself.

big news... my computer "works". ha.

it's like becoming reacquainted with an old friend you didnt like in the first place. the mouse sucks, the keyboard sticks, and worst of all, my internet connection is like beep beep beep. the beeps indicate extreme slowness. and for some reason, its not letting me download AIM right now, so i'm stuck with express or nothing. just another reason why i hate my parents and their lack of money. i wish a brand new computer would fall [gently] from the sky, and come equipped with free DSL forever.

yes, aim express is the bane of my existence.

SAFER was fun today, but it always is. lewis was there and he is a crazy little lewis now isnt he. i think his sister should bring his toolbox to lunch.

oh my lord, this thing is so slow, its like lulling me into a deep sleep. i sort of just want to go to bed right now. or shoot it. all the anger that's been dormant these past months is just flooding back.

what would be a nice cheap dsl service?

does anyone have a computer capable of some heavy-duty color and/or black and white printing??? that would want to print some photos for me?

p.s. whats with the new update page, these LJ people are really throwing me for a loop.

i'm on the snazzy school laptops. it's weird repeating myself for the sake of having something else to myself. it took me 20 minutes to figure out how to log on to this computer.


santa, i want a laptop.



i've fallen behind in everything. well. not really fallen behind, everything is just piling up and i'd rather sleep than get any of it done. seriously, for the past week i go to bed intending to take a "nap", fall into a deep sleep, have strange dreams, wake up around midnight and then decide its too much work to do my homework, and go back to sleep. maybe i have mono, but probably not. that would involve coming into contact with someone else's spit, i.e. getting some, which i have not and probably wont for a while.

i used to be a huge slut in 7th and 8th grade. well, a slut by middle school terms. i got some. i also had really skinny eyebrows, long hair, and lowcut shirts, and was on the cheerleading team. everything was so stupid and easy back then. now, i have to be intoxicated to have any hope of action, because for some reason whenever someone is intoxicated they get some.

but now i'm calming down on the illegal substance use, so i have a three year plus warranty on my virginity. go virgins.


today is my half birthday, which is lame, but there nonetheless. in six months, i'll be sixteen. "i feel like i'm on the verge of something better, but i know i'm not". i feel so young, but also like i'm running out of time and my life is just flying by with me not accomplishing anything. i know its six months away, but i wonder what i'll be doing on my sixteenth birthday. i sort of just want to skip school [its on a monday] and spend the day alone somewhere. spending it with friends seems so... temporary, because after high school, what friends will i still have? but then again, i'll only be sixteen temporarily, and spending a temporary birthday with potentially temporary friends seems appropriate.


i wonder who out of you will still be there in ten years.

garhshdfjhskjdds



i hate geometry.
now everyone knows one more thing about me.

i have a present for lizzy and a bagel for lunch.

what to do, what to do....

+ i cant focus at all in class, and i have such an urge to reach out and touch someone, but there's no one there. no one in class, very few people at lunch, a handful afterschool. i dont even see most of my friends and i dont know why. oh, i remember, its because im too stupid to make an effort. sometimes i am surrounded by a whole lot, but its a whole lot of empty and nothing. there's so much nothing. maybe i take being american and bored for granted, but there has got to be something to DO besides whatever it is i do all the time. sleep, more often now than anything else. stay afterschool for school activities that are pointless in the long run. but everything is pointless in the long run, isnt it? so i want to be able to just be carefree and not worry about whether or not im doing something worthwhile or if im just doing. or maybe i live a really exciting life and i just dont know it. maybe ill create a fanbase so people i dont know can tell me their opinion, because everyone else is mostly too predictable. oh, everything is just too boring and average in maine. where i live is the source of most of my problems.

+ i should be researching witch hunts, but instead i'd like to have one.

+ no, my main fear is that, if tomorrow, everyone that was useless dropped dead, i would be one of them.

+ i wonder what would happen if eventually the school traced all my computer activities.

+ so i guess i'll do something surprising

( if i only had a brain )

i have french & english tests to make up this morning, but neither of the teachers are in their room yet. wtf.



i need some creative ideas.

P.S. I APOLOGIZE FOR THE ABSURDLY LARGE SIZE OF MOST OF THESE PICTURES.


( bush haters. they're everywhere. and i love it. )

i did NOT get to go to cafe pamplona, and a few other places, but i will GO AGAIN WITH OTHER PEOPLE THAT ARENT OLD!

clarifications.

i was out sick for a while and now i'm way far behind in everything, but its okay, because i am a slacker and i dont care.

i'm making it illegal for anyone to use my name in posts if i dont like them. hello, my name is copyrighted. HA HA HA HAHAHAHHA.

i'm in the school computer lab, uploading pictures and half-listening to the newspaper meeting, even though i should be ACTIVELY listening since i am uberfuhrer. my grandmother is racist, and i quote her as singing "eenie meenie miny moe, catch a nigger by the toe". it was absolutely shocking and i laughed hysterically when she said it, and again when i told it to arica. arica is a meaniepants and scared the bejesus out of me last night on the phone.

i was sick and it caused my maturity level to go wayyyyy down. so expect snarky comments even if i like you. which brings me to the matter of hating everyone anyways. sometimes everything just seems too ridiculous.

for instance, unnamed persons in an unnamed class earlier today.

TEACHER: omigod, is that that lip venom lipgloss?
GIRL: no! its jessica simpson!
OTHER GIRL: omigod let me try!
GIRL: it makes your lips tingle!


this took up five minutes, and is a prime example of what fills my days. yes, i actually do prefer throwing up to school.

yeah, so i stay offline for five days and i miss everything. derek going to jail? people surpassing previous standards of retarded behavior? its just unbelieveable!!! i think maybe i WILL become a hermit. maybe if i keep going away for long periods of time, when i come back EVERYONE will be in jail. or dead.



gar, this is taking forever. two people i HAVE missed: genna & jes. whom i have notes for. but, coincidentally, never see. pcha, i am doomed.




pictures to follow.

I'VE BEEN SICK FOR KAJSDFKJSADFJLJKL;F FIVE DAYS

AND I LOST SIX POUNDS


BUT NOW I GAINED THEM ALL BACK AND IM AT SCHOOL AND I HATE IT!





and weirdos go away.
i hate everyone

i hate tyler yeo
he's like a really bad case of ringworm

oh my.


stupid guys are taking over the newspaper.

lizzy & i are going to plant bombs. yeah!





MOVIES tomorrow. yeahhhh. we're sitting in the back.

oh my.


stupid guys are taking over the newspaper.

lizzy & i are going to plant bombs. yeah!





MOVIES tomorrow. yeahhhh. we're sitting in the back.

do do do

any ideas for a job?

would the grasshopper shop hire a 15 year old?

okay so

kelly took me to mcdonalds so i could pick up my very last check. it was for 18 dollars.

i am very angry. firstly, they didnt even pay me for an entire HOUR, yes, an hour, i know i worked four hours and i was only paid for three.

then, jill told me i had been written up for having the wrong shoes, and that 18 dollars had been missing from the drawer i was last on.

hmm.... the drawer they were speaking of, i wasnt even supposed to BE on, anddskjflskdflk its just dumb. because i dont mess up giving change and i didnt steal anything. its like they're getting their revenge on me or something. oh, who cares.

it took us three hours to make an hour and a half trip. we missed like five exits. go us.

what is a good website for stashing writing?

something a bit more educated than livejournal.

a little less complicated than fictionpress [what with the having to save it to your computer, etc, etc]

a little friendlier than diary-x

and idiot-compatible?




i am a SWF looking for a... perfect website.

well this is pretty...

So this is for when you're feeling happy again
And this is for when you're feeling sad
And this is for when you feel
Something

genna sent me a rockin' link... persephassa.com. oh, it's just full of nice little things.

one.
two.
three.
four.

i'm in a surprise study hall which has replaced le francais. there is still a half hour left, & i have absolutely nothing to do. i dont want to go back to the study hall room, there is no one i'd like to talk to & i have no real work to do. ave had surgery yesterday? that would explain a lot.

oh, i'm off to boston this weekend. excitement abounds. anna, can you refer me to any small unheard-of places? isnt cafe pomplona in boston?? well, i'm going down to portland tonight, will upload pictures, finally. damn my computer. i'm getting a new one soon, hopefully. & i'm praying it will have the capacity to run photoshop. my old one didn't.

then i take the train early tomorrow morning. woo, trains.


this chair isnt very supportive. hmm, what else can i write to waste the time? SAFER was fun, yesterday. kelly was supposed to bring the exchange student, alvaro, but it was raining so he didnt want to go? i got my tetanus shot, & now my arm is sore. i'm on more more more! meds. one being birth control ["hormone therapy"], so if i was sexually active, my chances of getting pregnant would go down! but i'm not, so lets just hope that birth control works against immaculate conception as well, that being my only real worry in the baby department.

the past is lost in passing... i can't just move forward for no reason, or for a tease. I want something new, something beautiful. A new way to be alive, a new way to breathe. i'm telling you, this website is fantastic.

i hate waking up afraid, because of some dream or other, but having no recollection of the dream causing the problem. my palms are taking on a blu(e?)ish tinge, & this school is becoming duller by the second.

*the following conversation took place in Mr. Tasker's room*

TASKER: do any of you listen to that emo stuff?
ANONYMOUS GIRL: oh, i listen to dashboard confessional, but they're totally not emo. they're actually really good.
ME: are you kidding? dashboard is the epitome of emo. even the emo kids hate them.
ANONYMOUS GIRL: oh, well, i only like two of their songs
ME: douchebag
OTHER GIRL: i've never heard of them. [even though we see their lyrics in her profile all the time. explain that!]


i'll be looking for a job soon, once everything at school calms down. maybe i'll pose as 16, so i can actually get some hours every now & then. but if anyone hears of a job out there [preferably not in the fast-food area] you should tell me.

¶ I heard on the radio a few days ago a story about a girl who just walked into the ocean and never came back. She let the sea swallow her heart-beat. It sounds so romantic, so tragic. I imagine myself, walking robotically. Wading out into the water and then the sea covering me, filling my lungs. I never would though. It only seems like I could when I sit here, alone in my room with my blinds drawn and the lights off.




bop, bop. i need some books to read, too. five minutes until lunch. where has everyone gone?? i'm missing the bangor homecoming. i feel really detached from everyone else. like high school isnt really high school, it's a huge black hole in disguise, just waiting until you arent paying attention & then BAM! it sucks everything around you into it. then you turn around & wonder where everything/everyone has gone. oh my lanta.



-k. i inspire to be more interesting/captivating.

wtf mates


where is everyone?

the only thing that would have made it better would be if we had been arrested